מזל מקריית מלאכי Mazal

Dear English readers - sorry, but the following post could have been written in Hebrew only, and any attempt to translate the thoughts and feelings described in it - will just get lost in translation. See you in the next post :-)

בשבוע שעבר, בעודי יושבת בסלון הציפורניים השכונתי שלי, נכנסה לחנות אישה - לא צעירה, אך גם לא מבוגרת, לא כהה וגם לא בהירה, לא רזה ולא שמנה - ככה היא באמצע. אבל אני עם החושים הישראליים שלי שמזהים כל אחד ממרחק של קילומטר - ידעתי בדיוק מי היא ומה היא. גם ניחשתי מאיזה איזור גיאוגרפי היא בארץ.

באופן לא מפתיע, האישה השיבה לברכת השלום של בעלת העסק הסינית ביד קפוצה - כמסמנת "רגע", הוציאה טלפון נייד מהכיס, חייגה ואמרה: "כן, כן. אני פה. קחי אותה תגידי לה מה אני רוצה". 

מתוך נימוס פניתי אל הגברת והצעתי לסייע בתרגום. האישה אמרה: "מה, אתה מדברת עברית?" "כן" עניתי, "מה את ישראלית?" "כן" חייכתי בשעשוע.

מאותו רגע והלאה הלך החיוך ודעך. הייתי נתונה למתקפת שאלות חודרניות וביקורתיות:

"מה את עושה כאן?

אתה גרה כאן?

מאיפה את בארץ?

במה את עובדת?

בת כמה את?

עם מי את גרה?

לבד?

רווקה?

אין לך חבר?

אם היית בארץ כבר מזמן מישהו היה חוטף אותך!"

וכן הלאה וכן הלאה...

ברגע אחד שככו הגעגועים שלי לישראל. זה צד של ישראל שאף פעם לא אהבתי - וכנראה אני לעולם לא אוהב. תחושת הבעלות שיש לישראלים על חייהם של אנשים אחרים, בעיקר ישראלים אחרים. החיים של כולנו הם חלק מהקולקטיב העברי, ולכל אחד יש זכות לקבל דו"ח מפורט על המצב המשפחתי שלך, גילך ומקצועך ולבקר את אורחות חייך.

השאלות הבודדות שאני שאלתי היו: האם את זקוקה לעזרה? מה שמך? האם את חיה פה או מבקרת? את שאר התשובות לשאלות שלא שאלתי נידבה מזל מקריית מלאכי בשטף.

והמדהים ביותר - מזל מקריית מלאכי לא עצרה לרגע כדי לשאול אותי לשמי. בינינו, היא גם לא ממש האזינה לתשובותי. נראה היה כאילו שטף השאלות אינו מתוך סקרנות ועניין אמיתי, אלא מתוך הרגל. מגונה.

COLD!

People keep asking me how is the weather in NYC. Well -in one word - COLD!

Do you want to know how much cold? well...

This morning I had to go to the grocery store to buy milk for my coffee.

I picked my regular half gallon (1%), and while walking to the cashier line (why do they only have one cashier in the morning?), I felt my fingers starting to itch with cold.

I paid and chose to carry the bottle with my bare hands (trying to be part of the solution and not the pollution), and stepped outside to the chill. All of a suddon I realized that the bottle of milk is actually warm comparing to the cold air. 

Now you get it?

Happy eschatologycal Hannukah - New York Version

My favourite holiday is back in town! Hanukah!

Holiday of lights, holiday of triumph, holiday of miracles... and all that jazz.

When I got to work today I felt very festive, and decided to spread it all around me. The best way in my opinion - was to get my company's showroom in Midtown West a Menorah.

I went out to the stormy weather, tried the pharmacy, the supermarket, a couple of gift and hardware stores - and NADA! As if there are no Jews in the city - the stores didn't even acknowldeged it's Hanukah, and in some of them they responded my inquiry for a Menorah by telling me: "We might get them next week". Thanks. very helpful.

Eventually I got to a hardware store a couple of blocks away from my work. When I enetered the store I heard the owner, the employees and the few customers in the store speak Arabic. A thought crossed through my mind: well, there's a place where I would most likely not find a Menorah. But then, all of a sudden, like a mirage - I spotted a big, white, ugly, electric Menorah! Exactly what I was looking for! My Hanukah miracle was there - coexistence for only $34.99! And a happy Hanukah blessing from all the employees in the store. 

Spread the joy! Peace on earth! Happy Hanukah and happy holidays!

Black Friday? Green Friday!

For me - a woman coming from Israel - when adding "black" as an adjective to a day in the week - it is usually in a negative connotation.

For example - the "Black Saturday" on June 29th 1946, is known as the day where the British - who ruled Palestine back in the 20's-40's of the 20th Century - put a curfew on the Jewish settlements, and arrested the leaders of the underground mvements, who acted illegally - striving for the establishment of the State of Israel.

Another known black day was the "Black Sunday" - on November 8th, 1942 - where the Nazis slaughtered the Jews of Staszów.

But not here in the USA. Here - the "black" adjective is added in a positive context. Black Friday - is the Friday after Thanksgiving - the day where millions of Americans begin their shopping for Christmass, and the day where the financial books are turing from "Red" (the color for "loss") to "Black" (the color for "revenue").

I would call it - Green Friday. Don' know how it shows in the official financial books. I got to spend a lot of greens today :-)

Living in the City - Never a dull moment # 3

Tuesday. 5:30 am.

A knock on the door wakes me up. Another one a little stronger, and then - a bang. 

- "Who is it?"

- "Police."

- "what the hell are you here for?"

- "Open the door!"

I get up from the bed, and through the peep hole I see 3 cops - one of them is a female, wearing NYPD jackets and their badges hanged from their necks. Now I understand I am not asleep anymore, and this is not a dream nor another episode of Law & Order. this is for real. I have 3 policemen knocking on my door. I'm so busted...

Wait a minute? busted? me? for what?

I decide to open the door (thanks to the policewoman - otherwise I would probably continue yelling over the closed door...). The policeman who stands close to the door tries to squeeze himself as much as he can to the threashold. Of course he is not allowed in without a court order (that I learnd from Law & Order). He asks: "Do you live here on your own?", "Yes", "How long have you been living here?" - "Almost a year", "Have you met the tenant who lived here before you? Do you get any mail for Ricmond? Do you recognize this guy? (he shows me a photo of an ugly guy which makes me cry in fear: "who is this?")" etc., etc. 

I don't know how long it took.

Only thing I know - I couldn't go back to sleep.

Waht a drama!

Living in the City - Never a dull moment # 2

Last week I wake up in the morning, and somewhere between brushing my teeth and maing coffee - I get an alert from Chase Bank - that I have just made a purchase of $338.46 in Ralph Lauren UK (!). Called Chase, they cancelled my card, I was charged, I got the money back, a week later I got a new card. 

But I keep wondering - what the hell can you buy in Ralph Lauren for $338.46? socks?

Living in the City - Never a dull moment # 1

6:00 AM. 

I'm asleep.

Or at least - I think I am. 

In my dream I hear someone yelling at somebody and a dog barking.

Wait a minute - it's not a dream! I'm awake!

My neighbor - who ownes a dog - is yelling at someone and his dog is barking:

"Go away from here! do you hear me? go away! get out of the fu@#ing building! I'm gonna call the police!".

I get up and check the peep hole.

On the floor in fromt of my neighbor's door sits an old, dirty man, holding the door knob and begging: "pls. let me in! this is my home! for christ sake!" (read in a heavy Eastern European accent).

Now I hear the Superintendant:"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the building. you are disturbing the tenants. It's trespassing." and another "I will have to call the police".

what the hell is going on here? how long does it take them to call the police? 

I called 911.

5 minutes later a huge policewoman and a small policeman arrive. They as well try to ask the homeless guy to leave. Amazing.

After 5 minutes trying to convince the homeless to get up on his feet and leave willingly (all this time he sits on the floor keep saying this is his apartment and that he had been living there since 1998!), they decide to take an action. They put on their latex gloves, pul the man up, handcuff hm and take him downstairs. In the meantime an ambulance came, and they are waiting with a strecher in the street.

Too much drama for one morning. Now I am fully awake. 

Note to myself: Next time - find an apartment in a doorman building.